The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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