So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
this hospital has no fireball
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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