Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
