headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had to cum in my sink.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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