Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
