Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My penis needs a shock collar
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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