You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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