I look better un-naked...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
