i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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