I love black thongs
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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