Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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