chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he puts the penis in happiness.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
