checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wear drunk well.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
