The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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