and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
