i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
