Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she pinky promised me she was 18
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
