the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
