and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
