Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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