Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
