I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize