So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
