I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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