me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
