nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Randomize
