There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
