I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
