WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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