I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
