I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
