Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
