i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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