So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
