It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
