i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
