Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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