well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
