I hope mine doesn't look like that
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
