Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
