I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
