how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
