Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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