Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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