Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
