i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
