WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
