I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
