so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
