I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
