My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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