shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
