one two three fourrrrnication!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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