You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
