Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.

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  (401): I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths. http://tfl.nu/qww0
  Replies (37) Good night (1042) Bad night (2366)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.

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  (918): At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis. http://tfl.nu/wydm
  Replies (16) Good night (4500) Bad night (711)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?

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  (785): So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg? http://tfl.nu/npo8
  Replies (23) Good night (1096) Bad night (4725)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.

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  (970): I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not. http://tfl.nu/wxss
  Replies (19) Good night (7473) Bad night (946)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.

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  (484): I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits. http://tfl.nu/dr6q
  Replies (20) Good night (3601) Bad night (966)
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  (516): View more from New York

  It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away

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  (516): It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away http://tfl.nu/5rgp
  Replies (4) Good night (1922) Bad night (914)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"

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  (845): I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl" http://tfl.nu/lnr2
  Replies (5) Good night (1251) Bad night (792)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles

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  (847): I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles http://tfl.nu/eek8
  Replies (9) Good night (1605) Bad night (550)
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  (831): View more from California

  My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover

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  (831): My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover http://tfl.nu/d6nk
  Replies (16) Good night (604) Bad night (1952)
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  (925): View more from California

  also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.

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  (925): also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/lamp
  Replies (6) Good night (1113) Bad night (481)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.

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  (716): Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly. http://tfl.nu/tse2
  Replies (1) Good night (648) Bad night (428)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.

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  (713): Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style? (832): You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/9cao
  Replies (3) Good night (376) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.

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  (715): Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high. http://tfl.nu/e7wb
  Replies (4) Good night (505) Bad night (343)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.

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  (240): My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems. http://tfl.nu/4b6z
  Replies (1) Good night (513) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do

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  (919): It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do http://tfl.nu/kn63
  Replies (4) Good night (233) Bad night (480)

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