I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.