Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!