I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?