Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits