So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.