Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I cannot find my penis.

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  (617): I cannot find my penis. http://tfl.nu/w331
  Replies (32) Good night (922) Bad night (2535)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."

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  (517): They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what." http://tfl.nu/ufo0
  Replies (3) Good night (2043) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.

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  (864): she really just asked how mermaids reproduce. http://tfl.nu/5doz
  Replies (41) Good night (3852) Bad night (949)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"

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  (732): im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob" http://tfl.nu/kv4b
  Replies (20) Good night (4587) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice

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  (443): we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice http://tfl.nu/hzcq
  Replies (10) Good night (6353) Bad night (1941)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.

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  (818): Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right. http://tfl.nu/8nul
  Replies (37) Good night (6162) Bad night (1579)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."

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  (412): Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers." http://tfl.nu/fu3x
  Replies (11) Good night (1135) Bad night (3192)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.

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  (206): LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat. http://tfl.nu/zl1y
  Replies (6) Good night (2905) Bad night (1166)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  Dick in a box?

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  (757): Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm (1-757): Dick in a box? http://tfl.nu/x7sn
  Replies (13) Good night (4672) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head

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  (616): At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head http://tfl.nu/if7o
  Replies (4) Good night (1719) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.

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  (+44): She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs. http://tfl.nu/ojt0
  Replies (10) Good night (1594) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...

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  (850): I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away... http://tfl.nu/luji
  Replies (3) Good night (1406) Bad night (487)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.

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  (480): If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five. http://tfl.nu/ztzm
  Replies (1) Good night (620) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.

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  (414): wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me. http://tfl.nu/3pdz
  Replies (0) Good night (850) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."

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  (302): you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy." http://tfl.nu/exq4
  Replies (4) Good night (699) Bad night (350)

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