so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
