Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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