Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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