Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
