whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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