i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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