no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize