i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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