very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
