A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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