I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
okay pat passed out under dana's car
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
