The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
