The maid of honor just puked.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
