No stitches, just platelets and will power
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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