i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let's get the cat blown out
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
