I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
