i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
