Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
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I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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