my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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