I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dear god my vagina.
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