You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
