Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Liz is crying about burritos again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
